


Finding Safety

by forgetmenotjimmy



Series: Safe [1]
Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Male-Female Friendship, Non-Sexual Submission, Not Canon Compliant, Past Relationship(s), Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-26 09:43:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17139473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetmenotjimmy/pseuds/forgetmenotjimmy
Summary: Sylvie Brett wasn’t a professional Domme, but she’d been around the block, so to speak. Moving to Chicago was full-on enough without adding kink to it, so she let that take a back seat. She could never have imagined that one day she’d be dominating her new partner’s boyfriend, the straight-laced and stoic Lieutenant Casey.





	1. Chapter 1

July 2016

Sylvie Brett wasn’t a professional Domme, but she’d been around the block, so to speak. She’d experimented with kink a little in her teens and her first college boyfriend had been heavily involved in the local bdsm community. Although he’d first introduced her to submission, over time she’d discovered that she enjoyed dominating so much more. It wasn’t something she ever thought she could do full time, however. She and her fiancé had tried, but in the end, he’d freaked out and called off the engagement, claiming he wanted a ‘normal relationship’. It didn’t matter that she’d suggested limiting their dynamic to the bedroom, or stopping it altogether, he’d backed out entirely and heartbroken, she’d run to Chicago.

Now on the dating scene Sylvie found it easier to not bring it up. She hadn’t been with anyone who might be amenable to do scenes with her: Cruz hadn’t displayed any tendencies and usually baulked at things he considered ‘not quite normal’. Zumba teaching was the furthest he’d stray from the heteronormative tough guy fireman image. So Sylvie contented herself with dating casually and cultivating friendships in Chicago. Firehouse 51 really was like a big family and Dawson became her awesome new sister. She did miss the peace and contentment scenes brought her, but she had never needed them to be happy.

She could never have imagined that one day she’d be dominating her new partner’s boyfriend, the straight-laced and stoic Lieutenant Casey.

Matt Casey had once dated a woman who liked to be spanked. He’d just finished his candidacy, finally graduating to being a regular firefighter on truck and hadn’t dated since high school. Whilst he’d had some interest in women during his time at the academy and as a candidate, and vice versa, he’d been too dedicated to earning his place in the CFD to even think about it. So when Sandra had brought it up, a few weeks after they’d started seeing each other: he was more than a little intimidated by her request. Was this a normal thing people did? Why hadn’t anyone mentioned it to him before? Mostly he was worried about hurting her, but also concerned about her desire to be hit. Was that healthy? He had heard of that kind of thing, but only in pornos and in locker room talk. Neither of which were creditable sources of information.

After much persuasion and practice, he’d managed to get the hang of it enough to please her. However, he still couldn’t do ‘the rest of it’, as she put it. Never fully comfortable with it all, Matt wasn’t that upset when they parted ways and after that hadn’t ever given it much thought. Until Sylvie Brett came along and turned his view of himself upside down.

…

Brett was drunk. In fact, most of the bar was drunk. They’d been celebrating…something, she couldn’t remember what. Just that she’d had lots of shots. A lot of a lot of shots. Shots, shots, shots. She giggled and turned to say something to Kidd but found her friend wasn’t there. People were around but as she squinted, she couldn’t see anymore she knew. About to heave herself off the stool and wander over to the bar, a familiar face popped into view.

“You okay?” Casey asked. Giggling, she patted him on the hand.

“Me? I’m just fiiine!” For some reason he didn’t look convinced. “Are you fine? You are fine. We’re fine.” Clearing his throat, Casey ventured.

“Otis asked me to check if you got a ride home? Cruz is coming down with something so he’s already crashed and Otis doesn’t get off for another few hours.” Brett had to think about that, brow furrowing. Had she driven earlier? Where was her car? She shrugged and half-fell on him as she slipped off her stool. “Alright, lemme just, hold on, I got ya.” Making sure she had her purse and coat, he helped her to his truck, trying not to laugh.

“I can’t decide if you’re a Labrador or a cat.” She declared as soon as they were both buckled in. Blinking at this non-sequitur, Casey started the truck up in lieu of trying to think of an answer. Misinterpreting his silence, she hurried to reassure him. “It would be a big cat, like a lion.” He decided to humour her.

“If it helps, I’m more of a dog person.” She rolled her eyes.

“Of course you are.”

“What?” She waved a hand and didn’t answer so he puffed up his chest and volleyed back. “Well you, missy, are a swan.” Sylvie started to smile but then stopped.

“Wait, why am I suspicious of you right now?”

“A swan may look all serene and regal until you get on its bad side.” He smirked. “Then they attack.”

“I have never broken anyone’s bones before!” She considered. “Well, maybe ribs during CPR but that’s different, I was saving their life!”

“That’s a myth, they can’t really break bones.”

“No way! My cousin’s friend Hogan fell into the lake and got attacked by a swan. He was in casts for weeks!” Frowning, Casey asked.

“How far did he fall?”

“That’s not the point, it was the swan!” Her companion just laughed.

“If you say so.”

“I do say so.” She pouted a little and he didn’t contradict her again. Shaking her head, she changed the subject. “Hey, have you dated since Dawson?” His jaw tightened and she immediately regretted the question. “Sorry, just…I think you should have someone to look after you.” Recovering from the sudden dig into his personal life, he ventured in a confused tone.

“That’s…nice of you.”

“You’re a good guy. And I get the whole stoic thing most of you have going on but you don’t want to explode.” She said and then added knowingly. “That can happen you know: it’s a medical fact.” At his raised eyebrow, she amended. “Metaphorical blowing up, not actual…” His smirk alerted her to his amusement at her expense and she flicked her hand at him faux-angrily. Going back to her original point, he said wryly.

“Don’t know if you know this about me, but I’m not really one to open up and talk about my feelings.”

“You don’t always have to use words.” He glanced at her questioningly but she just patted his arm. “We’ll talk again when I’m sober.” He didn’t think to disagree. She seemed to forget their conversation as he dropped her off, watching uncertainly as she stumbled to the door and let herself in. Huh, that was weird. But he shrugged and went home. To his mild surprise, when she called the next afternoon he agreed to meet.

As it was a weekday, the mid-afternoon crowd at the little café was mostly mothers and retirees. Matt tried not to smile as Sylvie ordered a large coffee and slurped the excess off the top before they found a table and sat down.

“First off, thank you for last night. And sorry. I am so sorry.” He just laughed.

“Please, I’ve been drinking with firefighters for years, that was nothing.” She smiled gratefully, before diving back for another sip of coffee. “Although I was a little surprised that it was you I was driving home.” Smirking, she said.

“There’s more things you don’t know about me that might surprise you.” His eyes narrowed for a moment, but then he nodded.

“I believe you.” She cocked her head and he explained. “I wasn’t just teasing you last night. I’ve heard the stories about you on runs, kicking ass and taking names, defending your partners and patients.”

“Well, I learned from the best.” They both smiled, sadness lingering at the edges. She opened her mouth but he forestalled her question.

“I’m fine. Do I miss her? Of course I do. Having a partner, knowing they’ll always be in your corner is great but it’s not the be all and end all of being happy.”

“It’s natural. Everyone needs someone who makes them feel safe. Looked after.”

“Not to be all…” he waved a hand before pointing to himself, “but shouldn’t I be the one doing the looking after?” Sylvie tilted her head and squinted. Matt blinked, sounding a little defensive as he insisted. “I like doing it.”

“But it’s so exhausting to do it all the time. Especially if no one does it back.” For some reason, it seemed ridiculously obvious when she said it. All those long stretches of time when he’d felt lethargic and worn down, could they have just been emotional fatigue? Could all it have been was him needing someone to lean on? He’d noticed a difference a few weeks after he and Dawson had split. Between the loneliness and regret and self-recriminations, there had been a relief. Like a weight had been lifted. He’d thought that it had been because at least the arguments had stopped. But maybe that weight had been the burden of caring for someone. Sylvie was looking at him as he thought. She ventured quietly. “Right?”

“Yeah.” He rasped and then cleared his throat, looking away. After a moment, Sylvie said carefully.

“Back in Fowlerton, I dated this guy who found it relaxing to switch off, not have to make decisions for a few hours. He knew I’d take care of him.” She smiled and said mostly to herself. “Best sub I ever had.”

“Sub for what?” Blinking, it took Sylvie a moment to parse his question. Then she laughed.

“Oh Matt…” His lips twitched in reaction to her amusement and he asked curiously.

“What?” She shook her head before hesitating. Assessing him, taking in the sharpness behind his eyes as he thought and his surprisingly open and accepting nature, she made a decision.

“Submissive. He was the best submissive I’ve ever had.” His brow furrowed a little. He’d heard of the term, but…

“As in…dominant and submissive?” She just deepened her smile. He leant back, looking over her assessingly and she waved a hand with a flourish.

“I told you.” He nodded.

“You did.” He looked down at his own drink and she gave him the time to process the idea. His fingers tapped on the table restlessly. “I’m probably going to sound really…um,” he coughed, “but uh, you were, are, a dominatr-”

“No.” She tilted her head. “Well, not professionally anyway.” His eyes were a little wide but he listened as she went on. “Just like sexuality, it’s more of a scale than an either/or. There are some people who identify as both dominant and submissive at different times in their lives, or even at the same time. Everyone’s different. I fall more on the dominant side, but it’s not a full-time thing. I actually haven’t done any kinky stuff since I moved here.” Her heart fluttered as she watched him digest what she’d told him. When she’d asked him for coffee, she hadn’t fully intended to disclose this much. Instead she’d had a vague idea to check up on him, her drunk self picking up on a vibe the night before and realising that he didn’t seem to have any close female friends – that she knew of anyway. He glanced up at her and she could see his cheeks turning red.

“Uh…” She took pity on him.

“You don’t have to have an opinion on that. Or any reaction at all.” Blushing herself, she muttered. “Never should have said anything...”

“No, it’s okay. Uh, it’s…okay.” Pleased that she hadn’t fried his brain with that revelation, she decided to even the playing field.

“Alright then: your turn.” He paused in taking a drink.

“Huh?”

“You gotta tell me something I didn’t know about you.” Putting down his coffee he shook his head.

“No deal.” She pouted dramatically.

“Come on!” He twisted his lip, considering. She mock-whined. “It’s only fair!” Hiding a smile, he huffed a sigh and hunched forward, wiping his face to turn serious.

“You gotta swear to never, ever, tell anyone.” She opened her mouth and he held out a warning finger. “I mean it.” After miming zipping her lips shut and crossing her heart, she nodded solemnly. He sighed.

“Okay, in junior year I made out with Todd Phillips.”

“No way.” His lip twitched but he managed to keep a straight face as he replied.

“Way.” She gasped happily.

“Good for you! Was that all you guys…?” She trailed off, eyebrows waggling suggestively. He blushed.

“Yeah, that was it. We both freaked out a little and never spoke to each other again. Despite both being on the football team…It was a little awkward.” Watching her sympathetic expression, he made another confession without meaning to. “I’ve never told anyone that before.”

“Seriously?” His eyes flickered before he shook his head and she understood. “Well, your secret is safe with me.” He smiled softly.

“I know.” They parted ways soon after that. Sylvie cautiously optimistic about this blossoming friendship.

…

Two weeks later and Matt caught up with her as they were leaving shift.

“Hey, I was wondering if you were free sometime soon?” Whilst they’d been a bit friendlier towards each other on shift, neither had mentioned either of their revealing conversations. Curious and a little concerned by his question, Sylvie replied.

“Of course, you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I just…Wanted to ask you something.” When she raised her eyebrows expectantly, he glanced around quickly and explained. “Well, talk about something.” Getting the idea, she offered.

“Okay, well I’m free tonight or tomorrow night.”

“Tonight? I’ll cook you something, what do you like?” A little surprised by the offer, she responded automatically.

“Any type of pasta.” He nodded confidently and patted her arm as he went on his way.

“I can work with that.” She blinked again but then left too.

That evening, feeling a little weird, Sylvie knocked on Matt’s front door. She supposed that she should call him ‘Matt’ if they were sort of friends now. He opened the door, clean shaven but casually dressed, making her glad she’d chosen the same casual look. The smell which wafted out was amazing. When she told him so, he ducked his head a little shyly. It was ready so he got her a drink and they sat down, tucking in.

“This is incredible.” She sighed. “I wish I could cook this well.” Then she considered. “Actually, maybe that wouldn’t be a great idea for my waistline.” He smiled briefly, before his face fell a little. Picking up her wine, she watched him over the glass as he said.

“I miss cooking for someone.” He looked down at the table, murmuring. “It’s not the same when it’s just for one.” She could tell he was working up to something, so she gave him the time to think.

“What you said, about needing someone to look after you…I think you’re right.” He looked so earnest and serious that her stomach dropped. Oh God. This would be so awkwa- “I was curious about…you mentioned that guy who you took care of, the one who…would switch off.” Huh, this wasn’t where she thought he was going. Interesting. But bad. Or was it? “Could you…tell me more?” Sylvie blinked. “I mean is it…? Is it always sexual?”

“Domination and submission?” Swallowing, he nodded. Sylvie decided to play it straight, as out of depth as Matt was in this realm, he would still appreciate bare honesty. “Not always. In fact, for people who have 24/7 dom/sub relationships it’s often more about feeling safe and loved.”

“24/7?” He looked worried at that. “But how…?” He blushed and leant back. “Sorry, I don’t know…you’ve probably got better things to do than satisfy my curiosity.” Narrowing her eyes slightly, Sylvie ventured neutrally.

“It’s okay. I had a lot of questions too.” He smiled a little awkwardly and looked back at the table, looking like he was about to change the subject. She went on. “There’s no harm in asking questions.” His eyes slid up to hers cautiously. She shrugged, acting unconcerned. “Being curious doesn’t say anything about you…or mean that you’re committing to anything.” Matt thought this over. But it wasn’t until Sylvie added: “I won’t be offended”, that he looked reassured and asked.

“What exactly did you do with him?”

“We tried lots of things, but mostly we just hung out. Sometimes I’d give him small tasks to do, sometimes we’d just be watching TV, having a meal together… If you like, I could show you.” His eyes widened at that, surprised but not disgusted. She added. “Nothing complicated.”

“Uh…”

“Think about it.” He nodded faintly and she went on slowly. “We’re not close enough that it’d make things weird.” He nodded again and then blushed, realising that he was doing it again. Clearing his throat, he said hoarsely.

“Yeah, I will.” Recognising that staying would just distract him from making his decision, she gathered her things, thanking him profusely for the meal. When she was at the door he asked suddenly. “Did you decide? Which animal I am?” Blushing, she mumbled something indistinct. At his eyebrow raise, she conceded.

“I need more time to mull it over.” He smiled.

“Well, mull away.” She smiled back, pleased that the banter they’d been cultivating hadn’t been affected by the proposal.

“I will.”

The next day he called to accept her offer.


	2. Chapter 2

Not wanting to freak Matt out, Sylvie held back on introducing him to the list of limits. There wasn’t any need if they were just going to do a taster session. She would stick to simple commands and see how he responded. They’d gone over the concept of safe words and had decided on the traffic light system. Green for all good, orange for pause and red for all stop.

Having decided that Matt’s living room would be the best place – as it was familiar and open plan enough to be comforting – Sylvie came round one afternoon. She brought a comfy blanket with her and a box of chocolates.

“Forgot to ask if you like them.” Matt had a look at the box.

“Does anyone not like chocolate?” Sylvie shrugged.

“I’ve only ever met one person who doesn’t.”

“Seriously?” She smiled at his incredulous tone.

“I forgot to ask: do you have any allergies?” He shook his head. “Then, are you ready?” He tensed but at her reassuring look forced himself to relax.

“Ready.”

“Fill two glasses of water and bring them to the coffee table.” The steel in her voice surprised him, he realised as he was half-way on his way to following the order. Pushing down the worries which were bobbing up at the edge of his consciousness, he returned to the living room with the glasses. Sylvie was on the couch, the blanket laid on the floor. He put the glasses down and then stood back, waiting to see what would happen next. Face softening from the still mask, Sylvie said quietly.

“Good.” A familiar warmth blossomed in his chest and he relaxed a bit more. “Kneel down on the blanket.” Swallowing, he did so, though he fretted about whether she meant kneel up or sit back on his haunches. He settled for the latter and after viewing him critically for a moment, she corrected his positioning. Once comfortable, she opened the chocolates. “I’m going to feed you some pieces of chocolate: all you need to do is open your mouth, close it around the chocolate and then eat it normally.” Instantly he worried about accidentally licking her or something equally as embarrassing, but she just looked at him steadily and he nodded. She held out the first one and self-consciously, he opened his mouth. “A little wider.” She murmured and he complied. It was awkward at first, but after they had managed a few pieces, the worry about messing up decreased and Matt found himself sinking into a good feeling. For a moment, his limbs felt heavy and he could only blink sluggishly. Sylvie spoke then.

“What colour are you?” It took him a moment to understand her meaning. When he remembered, he answered serenely.

“Green.” Smiling softly, she leaned forward and put a hand in his hair, asking.

“And now?” Humming, he affirmed.

“Green.” Gently and with great care, she began running her hand over the blond strands. He closed his eyes and just enjoyed the sensation. After a while, her arm got tired and she ordered him up onto the couch. Too deep in the warmth to be self-conscious, he didn’t feel any embarrassment as they snuggled under the blanket and her other hand teased at the fine hairs at the base of his neck. Eventually, she called an end to the scene and as if emerging from a hot bath, he felt cold and shivery. Finding his hand, she squeezed it.

“You okay?” Blushing as his brain helpfully brought up what they’d been doing in a kind of shame reel, he nodded. Luckily she saw through that and smiled sympathetically.

“It’s alright not to be completely comfortable.” Reassured, he squeezed her hand back. “I know talking about feelings is not one of your favourite things to do, but with this it’s important to be open and honest. It’s easy for people to get hurt without anyone meaning them to.”

“Well, I do feel uncomfortable now about some of it but…during it,” he huffed out a small, disbelieving laugh, “it was amazing.” Before she could react, he went on. “Can we do this again?” She just smiled.

…

Sylvie was cautiously optimistic. Whilst very much adhering to a heterosexual masculine stereotype in some aspects of his life, Matt was also quite open-minded. Sometimes she felt like he was just avoiding bringing up anything which he didn’t like or that concerned him, so she always made sure to double check things with him. It took him a while, but he did get better at expressing dislikes and put his needs before placating her. They found a rhythm and a collection of activities which they both enjoyed. As the months went on, they tried a number of activities, some with more success than others. Also, whilst Matt managed to talk through some things, other parts of his life remained too traumatic for both of them to relive and Sylvie made note of them. In all, she was glad that they’d found this and she was sure that Matt was too.

…

The more Matt told Sylvie about his relationship with Dawson, the more convinced she became that it was a good thing it had ended. Whether consciously or not, Matt had been submitting to Dawson and she had been controlling him. Which would have been fine in of itself, as it seemed to fit their natural preferences, except that Sylvie didn’t hear any evidence that Dawson had been looking after Matt’s needs even half as much as he did hers. There hadn’t seemed to have been any frank conversation about their wants and needs and how to compromise. It appeared to Sylvie that Matt had been bending to Dawson’s needs and neither had been considering his own, at least, not in any meaningful way. Whilst it was true that she was only hearing from Matt, the fact that he now appeared happier, more relaxed and comfortable in his own skin, gave credence to her reading of the situation. Both had been tight-lipped about the exact reason for the break-up and neither had moved on yet, leading many at the Firehouse to hope for a reconciliation. Luckily no one had organised themselves to try and interfere and Sylvie made a note to snip any plans like that in the bud. She didn’t say anything about it to Matt, but during one dinner he brought it up himself.

“I think I used to do this with Gabby. Well, not all of it, exactly. Just,” he pressed his lips together, thinking of a way to word his thoughts, “when we were together in our downtime, we used to do what she wanted mostly – which I didn’t mind but, for the big things, sometimes I think I was just agreeing with her to make her happy.” Sylvie listened carefully, retroactive concern warring with pride at the progress he’d made. Matthew Casey had definitely lived up to the macho male stereotype of spending as little time as possible considering his emotions or reactions to things. Not that he didn’t feel deeply or that he wasn’t sensitive to other’s emotions, just that he’d needed a little help in self-analysis and expressing himself in words.

“But maybe I did it too much? When I couldn’t…when I failed her, she left.” Clucking, Sylvie put her hand over his.

“You didn’t fail her. It just didn’t work out.” She didn’t like his doubting expression but let him finish his thought process.

“If I’d thought to use my Alderman position sooner, then maybe she could have fostered Louie before he went to the other family.” She frowned. What did that have to do with anything? As far as she knew, Dawson had taken the missed opportunity to foster the poor kid so hard that she’d taken some furlough and then transferred to another house. Whilst the reason for her decision had never been fully explained, it was generally understood to be due to the loss of Louie, the breakdown of her relationship with Casey and a desire for a fresh start. Everyone had been devastated but in the end they’d accepted it and she was still involved in Molly’s, working or hanging out, joking with Herman and Otis and filling everyone in on the gossip at her new house. She was still a part of their lives, just only off-shift. Though thinking about it, Sylvie realised that she’d only seen Matt at Molly’s twice, maybe three times since Dawson had made the announcement. That was odd, why hadn’t she noticed that before? But Matt wasn’t finished. “If I’d agreed to marry her, then she could have adopted him.” Unthinkingly, Sylvie blurted.

“What?” Matt stared at the table and mumbled.

“She said, there was no way she could adopt him if she was listed as single, but if she was married...” Sylvie took a moment to let that sink in before venturing.

“I take it you said no?” Now beginning to look distressed, Matt’s hands clenched and unclenched and he swallowed. Sylvie took one of his hands in hers and said.

“It’s okay; take your time.” Blinking, he squeezed her hands and took in some deep breaths.

“We couldn’t stay in the same house if we were married. She said…she said that I…” He gulped and opened his mouth but then closed it again, shaking his head. Stroking the back of his hand with her thumb, Sylvie said soothingly.

“Don’t worry, you don’t need to tell me everything, I think I understand.” Sniffing, he nodded and she pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Get some blankets and take them to the couch.” Wordlessly he nodded again and shuffled off. Sylvie fished out some tissues from her purse and poured two glasses of water, setting them down on the coffee table. Matt joined her and she arranged them so they were wrapped up together, his head on her chest. She started rocking them slightly and whispered. “You’re safe here.” He didn’t reply but tightened his grip a little, sniffing. After a while, he managed to relax and calm his breathing. Beside him, Sylvie felt tense herself, mind whirling. Unable to help it, she asked.

“Were you happy?” Matt started, incredulous at first, but then he considered it.

“Yeah, most of the time. Though sometimes it was like I was waiting for something…like for me to mess up again or something to come along that we couldn’t face together.” Eyes shining, he whispered. “Guess it finally did.” Heart twisting, Sylvie hugged him closer and he turned his face to press into her shoulder, her hand on the back of his head.

“It was not your fault.” She said firmly. He nodded vaguely but she knew from experience that despite genuinely trying to believe her and internalise it, he would always blame himself for certain things. This seemed to be one of them.

Letting herself out a little while later, Sylvie wondered how she could have missed this about Dawson. The end of Matt and Dawson’s relationship wasn’t really any of her business and bringing it all up again wouldn’t do anyone any good, especially not Matt. Even still, part of Sylvie wanted to demand an explanation from her friend, to get the full story of what happened.

On the other hand…she reconsidered as she drove home. If Matt was avoiding Molly’s because of his ex, then would he ever be comfortable going there until the air was cleared? It wasn’t like everyone hung out there every single day, but it was an important place to be able to go. Maybe she should get involved? Sighing, she shook her head. She’d promised herself when they’d started this that she wouldn’t to get in too deep. Meddling in a past relationship didn’t fit that description. She’d have to play it by ear; maybe after he’d processed their latest talk, he’d be able to go back and face Dawson himself.


	3. Chapter 3

Sylvie had planned to bring up the question of Molly’s during their next session but she was pleasantly surprised when Matt mentioned it to her first. It was the end of the next shift when he came up to her as she was walking out.

“Hey.” He said casually, even as it was clear he wanted something.

“Hey.” She smiled back, genuinely unsure of what he was going to say. It wasn’t that they never talked at the firehouse, or outside it, in a friendly way, but he had avoided making eye contact with her during shift, so she hadn’t been able to properly gauge how he was feeling after their talk.

“Got any plans now?”

“Just some errands. Why?”

“I was wondering if we could talk. Off the record so to speak.” Sylvie considered. That was his way of saying ‘as friends’ as opposed to domme and sub.

“We could go to Georgie’s?” He agreed and they drove over, settling down with some breakfast. Not long after they’d tucked in, he’d stated plainly.

“I was thinking of talking to Dawson.” He cleared his throat. “Clear the air, you know.” Nodding, she agreed and they talked through what he might say to her and what she might say to him. After they’d covered everything, Matt felt a lot better, although he was still apprehensive about it. Sylvie squeezed his hand. “I’m just a phone call away.” He smiled and nodded. He needed to do it, so he’d do it no matter what.

…

“Hey, it’s Matt. I uh, I was wondering if you were free sometime to talk?” He cleared his throat. “Yeah, just, let me know. Bye.” Hanging up, he cursed how awkward and unsure he’d sounded. If Dawson had thought the same, however, she didn’t mention it when she called back. They were both cool and impersonal as they agreed and time and place; though Matt’s stomach was in knots by the end of it.

He was sitting in the café, fingers tapping on the table as he tried not to look around wildly. He was a little early, so he resisted the urge to check his phone. Then, he saw her at the door. God she looked amazing. He’d forgotten how seeing her made him feel. Luckily, she looked as nervous as he felt. Though she was good at toughing it out and hiding her nerves, he’d learned her tells. Swallowing, he rose and they did an awkward dance ending in a kiss on the cheek. He ventured as they sat down.

“How’ve you been?” She smiled softly.

“I’m good. You?”

“Good.” He cleared his throat and jumped in. “I miss you. I’m not saying that because I want anything, I just…miss you.”

“Matt…” She sighed. “I miss you too.” The waitress came to take their order, an opportunity Matt used to study her a little more. She had less make-up on that usual, but didn’t look worse for it. In fact, he’d always preferred her before she’d put on her battle armour, as she’d called it. He’d heard from people that she’d gone on a few dates since they’d broken up but no one had stuck, yet. Matt was sure it was only a matter of time. When they were alone again, she said. “So… I owe you an apology.”

“Took the words right out of my-”

“No, Matt please. Let me say this.” He hesitated before nodding and waved her on. Taking a deep breath, she started. “I had a crush on you since the first time we met.” He blinked.

“You did?” She smiled a little sheepishly.

“Yeah. So sue me! Trust me, half the women who go through that firehouse do. So anyway, you were with Hallie and what I felt for you, it was just a nice little thing I could daydream about but it wasn’t really serious.” She coughed. “But then you guys split up and we had that moment and I realised that I was in love with you.” His breath caught, thinking about all the wasted opportunities they’d had. “And after everything, when we finally got together it was amazing, like a dream coming true.” Her gaze fell and murmured. “The thing was, I’d built up this picture in my mind of what being with you would be like…” Seeing where she was going, he leant back. That made a lot of sense. She looked up again and said insistently. “It was pretty damn close, Matt. But it wasn’t fair of me to put those expectations on you, on our relationship. So when our baby…” She blinked and took in a deep breath, Matt having to swallow down the lump growing in his throat. “It was devastating but we got through it and then I found Louie and it was like a second chance.” He couldn’t stay silent.

“Gabby. I’m so sorry about that.” She shook her head.

“It’s not on you.”

“But if-”

“No.” She said firmly. “You did the best you could and I am so thankful for that. For everything you did for me.” Their coffees were delivered and she immediately cradled hers in her hands. Matt tried to think of something to say.

“Recently, I’ve been told that sometimes I try so hard to look after everyone else that I don’t think about what I need. That can’t have helped with your…expectations.” Eyes dancing, Gabby said wryly.

“Oh, how evil of you, you monster!” He was caught with his mouth open and closed it slowly, the edges curling up as he flushed slightly. “Please, do not blame yourself.” Putting a hand on his, Gabby smiled fondly. “I wouldn’t change our time together for the world, but we weren’t meant to be. It’s as simple as that.” Smiling back, Matt turned his hand over and squeezed hers. They stayed like that until their coffees cooled. Finally, Matt checked his watch. He had a construction gig and Gabby also had some plans. Getting their coats and heading for the door, he asked curiously.

“So did you come up with all of that on your own…?” She laughed a little shyly.

“No, uh, I’ve been seeing a therapist. Really helped me sort things out in my head.”

“I’m glad.” He considered telling her about his talks with Sylvie but then discarded the idea. He would see Gabby at Molly’s and around in general, but their time together was over. Maybe one day they’d become as close friends as they were before, but it wasn’t that day yet. They hugged on the sidewalk and then parted. In his truck, he texted Sylvie a smiley face and breathed in deeply.

Then he drove away and didn’t look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record, I don’t hate Dawson as a character I just think the writers pushed her too far. The first time I saw seasons 1-6 I really liked her. It wasn’t until the end of season 6 that I realised that actually she’d done a lot of selfish things no one had called her on. Re-watching, it all became obvious, like anyone remember when she told Mills about his mom’s tryst with Boden too late and when he gets mad she says ‘you’ve got to see it from my perspective’? Like: what? Yeah sure, of course he does, poor you.   
> So anyway I wanted to find a non-she’s-secretly-evil reason for her behaviour in this story, I think false expectations is a good one. I mean, if I had the opportunity to date Casey, I’d probably make the same mistake, so who am I to judge?


End file.
